drifting_seeker (drifting_seeker) wrote,

Change and renewal, beginnings and endings

I sat at my computer for long minutes trying to sort out what I wanted to say, and just the right way to say it. I don't know if I am giving up on this journal, but it feels like I've reached a point of transition that is significant regarding what this journal is all about, or perhaps what it means to me.

I am relieved to say that it is not just because I got the girl. It's partly related, but there's more to it, really. For one thing, there's a whole circle of friends that are just wonderful to spend time with, and I've been in the middle of experiencing life more fully than I ever imagined I would, on my own initiative. I find myself more and more reluctant to chronicle these events.

Regarding my new very special lady, I couldn't be happier. She is very beautiful, and not in superficial ways. I don't want to try and predict where things go from here. All is well.

It makes me reflect with a certain amount of regret, though, on what this journal is with regard to someone else. My new love and I are committed to channelling our energies in positive ways. We complain about things in life if we feel we need to get it out of our system, but after that we are dedicated to letting that stuff go and forge ahead to where we can hopefully make something good come out of what goes bad or wrong. And then there's the old saying: "if you don't have anything nice to say..."

Sometimes, I think we do need to, though. Particularly if, for example, a critical reaction can result in any kind of improvement. Or if it's therapuetic to say something and be done with it. It's completely useless for me to go back and try and figure out if any of my rants in this journal serve this purpose. My regret is that I think my journal has been focused on the negative aspects of someone else, and is not balanced by positive aspects. I could say to myself, "Well, balance it out by writing about all that is positive with this new lady," but I don't feel like I want to go that route. I don't want to write anything that could be misinterpreted. I haven't bothered to look back and read my journal, but with regard to one person, it has served as a long, dark tea time for my soul. And yes, I couldn't resist the temptation to reference Douglas Adams.

As for LJ in general, I still feel a compulsion to write, yet my energy feels redirected. I've been drafting essays and articles and commentaries on fiction in different mediums that interest me, mainly science fiction and fantasy. I might also toy with the idea of including music, but it would be mainly soundtrack music. Only one of these has been posted so far, and that's on a new LJ I've started. I want it to be available to friends I know in real life, as well as LJ users, but unconnected to this journal.
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